magic in medicine jars
by Magpies and Pie
Summary: Yamaguchi Outa doesn't have the highest opinion for his Unit. However, Inspector Tsunemori is hard to place. She calls him up for a two-man job while he contemplates on the train wreck known as Unit 1. OC.


**magic in medicine jars**

* * *

**anemone  
**9 guards, can you handle?

**smoky  
**not much choice, we stick to the plan

**anemone  
**if I'm right, then it means they're trucking all this to Japan  
you seriously gonna go back?

**smoky  
**not a good time to talk

**anemone  
**only because you're damn slow at texting

**smoky  
**and how to I change my username?

**anemone  
**what? You don't like the name I've bestowed upon you?

**smoky  
**please tell me how I can change my username

* * *

Yamaguchi Outa had seen a lot of weird shit in his life. He was a latent criminal after all, his eyes saw things different from everyone else. Sometimes he wished he didn't, but stopping the way he thought things was not easy to cure.

Heck, it'd be pretty impossible.

The psychiatrists told him he was making progress, his Hue was clearing a bit every month. Well, they were feeding him shit. Such hopeful words filled with farts and rainbows fooled his sorry excuse for parents, his lazy-ass sister, and even his stupid co-workers back at the firm. But Yamaguchi Outa wasn't _that _stupid.

Not long later, Sibyl decided he was too good for his cell and sent him packing into this huge-ass tower where he started a new career with a talking gun which sounded like a bloody car navigator. And when he wasn't making people explode, he was filling out forms on a computer which apparently needed to look super high-tech, so it came with three monitors.

Why does anyone need three monitors.

But the computer thing was the least interesting thing circling his head. Since recently, he got assigned to a new Unit. It had been nicknamed Unit Damned because god_damn_, that office was screwed up real bad.

Two Inspectors demoted to Enforcers. Newbie Inspector gets thrown in the deep end. Three more Enforcers dead. One of them escapes NONA and commits a murder. Unit 1 was just asking for a medal for highest fuck-up rate.

In fact, Unit 1 was so bloody desperate it hired a _training school girl_ to fill in some blank spots. It also hired him too.

Youngling Inspector wasn't a bad person in his opinion. A lot more clear-headed and useful to society than his sister. He expected her to be prim since she was fresh out from that Oso Academy for fancy-ass ladies, but she was okay. Could be a bit stiff but he had a good laugh when she threw up at one of the crime scenes. Yamaguchi was quite sure she was never going to forgive him for that.

The other Inspector was difficult to place.

"I am Inspector Tsunemori, head of Unit 1. I look forward to working with all of you."

Now, remember that Yamaguchi Outa has seen a lot of weird shit in his life. Well, his boss, Tsunemori Akane was the weirdest.

Speaking of whom, decided it was a smart idea to call him at six bloody o'clock. The Communicator wristwatch buzzed alive and woke him in seconds. It was hard to ignore a call from Inspector Tsu (not that he was devoted to her like Mother Ginoza), because her caller ID came with this stupidly loud alarm which nearly rattled the bed frame.

He wished these Communicators didn't have to be permanently nailed around his wrist. He didn't care if NONA wanted to know where he was at all times, the skin under the metal strap was probably white as death.

He blindly stabbed the 'receive' option.

"Inspector Tsu, what the _fuck_?"

"A good morning to you too, Yamaguchi-san," she said dryly. "Something came up. I need up you up and ready to leave NONA tower in ten minutes."

Yamaguchi groaned. "If you want someone eager to go out with you to god knows where at six in the morning, just drop a message by Mother. He'll be out in _five_."

"Yamaguchi-_san_."

Damn, he knew that tone. It meant he pissed her off. Not his fault though, she was the one who called him before he had the chance to load his brain with two cups of caffeine.

"I get it. I get it," he grumbled, pushing his glasses over his nose. "I'll be out there."

For a little lady who barely came up to Yamaguchi's shoulders, she sure had a way to scare people shitless. It was not like she was violent or anything, (in fact, she hated violence) but sometimes she would give people the _look _which promised worse things than a Dominator to the spine.

She had been pretty famous for shooting THE Kougami Shinya on her first day of the job.

You know, former Inspector Kougami who can beat the shit out of a training drone set at maximum level. THAT Kougami Shinya. Rumour has it that before he made a run for it and quit his job, he left behind a _handwritten _letter _apologizing _to Inspector Tsu for ditching work.

There was probably a reason why Kougami Shinya was never to be seen again. Yamaguchi actually felt sorry for that unlucky bastard.

Whilst he tugged on his suit, he cursed himself for being a moron and accidentally let out his nickname for the robot-arm Ginoza. But it was all true though. Former Inspector Ginoza worried to such levels it rivalled mothers trying to protect their teenaged daughters from hormone-crazed straight male students.

Yamaguchi remembered very little about Ginoza before the demotion- but apparently he was a bit of an asshole. From what he had heard from Sasayama (before that guy kicked the bucket) and Kagari (before _this_ guy kicked a different bucket), Ginoza treated Enforcers like crap, and the job always had to go his way because he was a dickhead to any latent criminal with an opinion. So, Yamaguchi was in for a surprise when he met Ginoza the Enforcer ver.

After the events which took place in Unit Damned, Ginoza got real close with Inspector Tsu. Surviving Unit 1's shitstorm gave them some common ground to stand in. Tsu was subtly protective but Ginoza took the role as her surrogate mother or something, constantly worrying and biting his nails- well, metal finger plates too.

And don't let him get even started how Mother pampers Inspector Shimotsuki.

It was weird though. Ginoza Inspector ver. would've surely snapped at Yamaguchi for calling him such a nickname, but Enforcer ver. would just calmly say "I don't really care what you think of me, Yamaguchi. I simply care for the state of our Unit," in some grown-up voice.

What a bore.

That Kunizuka even more so. She's been through all of Unit Damned's events but has barely blinked. Still the same, blank-faced chick who has the personality of plastic. Sure that she was a latent criminal, but latent criminals didn't equal to no feels. Bloody psychopath.

Yamaguchi first thought she wasn't interested in anything other than going to Shion's lab every Tuesday and Wednesday morning, Thursday afternoon and all of Friday night. But if he looked closer, there was an unexplainable sisteromance going on with Inspector Tsu, and seems to have a close eye on the youngling Inspector whenever the job gets more and more of a shitstorm. She also more or less talks easily with the other Enforcers. Except Yamaguchi. He was still convinced she was a freak.

Yamaguchi was still fumbling with his tie as he stumbled out of his room (cell). He stabbed a button on the elevator and reached the first floor in the midst of sorting out his collar.

Absolutely pristine like the model police officer she was, Tsunemori was waiting for him in the courtyard, dressed in her ironed suit with her painfully neat haircut arranged to fucking perfection. There were two cups of coffee wrapped in one of those delicate box bags dangling from her hand.

"Good morning, Yamaguchi-san."

"Morning, Inspector Tsu. Bloody fine morning this is."

"It's an emergency," she said apologetically. "I've brought coffee though, they're from a cafe that I like going to."

Yamaguchi counted the cups with a raised eyebrow. "Are both for me?"

"Of course not. Having two cups in the morning is not at all healthy," she said, usually Yamaguchi hated nagging but Tsu always used a light tone, as if it didn't mean much- or that she knew that he couldn't give a damn. "Also, I know you find it hard to believe, but I'm still half-awake as well."

He rolled his eyes. "You do realize that people outside the office calls you The Terminator?"

Tsu climbed inside the car, giving him a quizzical look. "The what?"

"It's from this really old film, a robot wearing human skin that travels back in time to go on a witch hunt after a kid who in the distant apocalyptic future, leads a revolt against a robot army," Yamaguchi explained, as he crashed into the seat opposite her. "Wasn't that bad of a show."

"A robot wearing human skin..." she mumbled to herself. "Interesting concept."

The engine hummed to life, dragging the car away from the NONA tower entrance. It was on auto-drive so Tsunemori was able to nurse her cup of coffee with both hands, Yamaguchi doing the same.

"Why call me over everyone else?" he asked between mouthfuls of coffee. When he meant 'everyone else' he meant of course Ginoza. Kunizuka, whilst wouldn't openly complain, would prefer to spend her early mornings in _private_. Rokujo was a shit morning person. And Saiga was a completely different matter.

She took a slow drink. "You could ask where we're going first."

Yamaguchi yawned. "Okay, which hell-hole are you dragging me into at five in the morning?"

"I'll give you a hint," she said with a sly smile. "We're meeting a girl who doesn't speak a word of Japanese."

* * *

**anemone  
**things look bad from here, are you hurt?

**smoky  
**could have been worse

**anemone  
**you're running out of time

**smoky**  
get Hu to cover me

**anemone  
**you really sure? He might've… you know, gone to cloudy land  
I don't think he can see straight at this point

**smoky**  
tell him not to shoot me

* * *

A common belief was that latent criminals had twisted personalities or tastes. That belief was not technically true. What latent criminals had that everyone else lacked was curiosity, they explored beyond the boundaries societal norms held, and in that world beyond their minds would drown.

Kunizuka Yayoi drowned in her music, Ginoza in his despair, Rokujo in his nihilism, Saiga in his fascination of human personality.

Yamaguchi drowned in communication. Or dead forms of it anyway, learning different languages was not required in any Sibyl career exam but he grew up close to a backward town at the edge of society that hid illegal immigrants. Yamaguchi wanted to talk to those people, so he learnt how to talk like them. Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, English, and a little Italian.

The Inspector's car pulled up by a port. From the window, Yamaguchi could see a few drones cloaked in the Comisa hologram were huddled around a huddled up figure in a dirty coat. She raised her head a little at the sound of the car parking, her hair was sticking up in every direction and looked a little damp. Her bony face made it hard to determine her age, but considering how tiny she looked compared to the large holos, he guessed a kid no older than 12.

"What's her story?" he asked the Inspector.

"That's what you are meant to figure out," she replied, getting out of the car. "An illegal vessel had drifted over here, no passengers other than this girl. The cymatic scanners didn't recognize her face, and she doesn't seem to understand Japanese. She kept talking to the scanners in a foreign language. As of now, her psycho pass is just on the brink of distress."

Yamaguchi followed her out and approached the girl. Her eyes darted between the two newcomers nervously, and she wrapped herself in the coat even tighter.

"I wonder how she even managed to cross the sea on her own," Tsunemori said. "Anything approaching us by water or sky would've been picked up by the dozens of radars watching pretty much all around the edge of Japan. But nothing saw her ship coming."

He nodded at her and knelt down next to the girl. She flinched. With all honesty, Yamaguchi hated kids- they were sticky, loud and stupid. And if you hit them, you would get involved in an equally, stick, loud and stupid conversation with their parents. But the girl in front of him seemed only drenched with sea-water, quiet and very scared.

He rolled his eyes and rested his head in his hands.

"You're gonna have to say something unless I won't understand shit, girl," he muttered, still in Japanese.

He heard Tsunemori cough loudly behind him.

The girl squinted. She mumbled a string of words which Yamaguchi couldn't quite hear. She then began to talk more frantically, he finally picked up some more familiar words there. He turned to look up at the Inspector with a thumbs up. It was quite a rare occasion for him to have some direct help for a case, it was not that he was an idiot, but the spotlight was often taken upon Saiga and Rokujo whose brains were whirring at 1000 horsepower.

"A China girl," he announced in Japanese.

There was finally a lead. Tsunemori's relaxed expression flickered to a moment of happy surprise, and she joined Yamaguchi on the floor, offering the nervous girl a small smile.

"Now what?" Yamaguchi asked.

"Ask her for her name, please?"

He did that and got a look of shock from the girl. She hesitated at first, seemed to be debating whether or not to trust the suited strangers, but eventually whispered a word ever so faintly Tsunemori didn't actually realize she replied.

"Bik," she mumbled into her sleeve.

"Bik," Yamaguchi echoed. "Doesn't that sound so damn pretty? I think it means jade or some shit."

Tsunemori rolled her eyes. "Ask her how she got here."

"She originally came with a crew, lots of men with lots of technology on board. They talked about jammers which is probably how they got here undetected. She started blabbering about a rabbit or something that killed everyone, she hid herself for a day and when she came out, the ship was wiped clean and the er- rabbit was gone," Yamaguchi reported. "I think she means an assassin sent by someone, he seemed to have done a tidy job of everyone and jumped overboard. You think he was close enough to swim to shore?"

"We already have underwater drones sweeping through right now," Tsunemori replied. "We'll get back to what happened on the boat later. Why did she come here?"

"Seems they were running away from the rabbits, apparently some of the men were going to make a rendezvous with some illegal immigrants they knew here- sell some drugs they stole. It's called Breakdown- if that rings a bell or something."

Tsunemori frowned. "A drug? Being distributed _here_? I'm going to have to ask the other units if they're overseeing such a case." She paused. "The rabbits, who are they? Were they the ones who made the drug?"

The girl nodded at the translated question. She whispered a brisk explanation, her fingernails digging into her bony arms and eyes twitching as if trying not to look behind her. Tsunemori blinked at the reaction and turned to Yamaguchi expectantly.

"The rabbits… are an organization," he translated flatly. "There is a drug organization taking over China at this moment, and it is called _Rabbit._" Grief wrinkling his brow, he shook his head at the girl. "That is the most pathetic name I have heard for a gang, their leader should be fucking ashamed. Bet he was high on this Breakdown shit when he came up with that."

Tsunemori let Yamaguchi wallow in his second-hand embarrassment. She turned to Bik who had began rocking back and forth, eyes fixed on the floor. It was only then Tsunemori noticed under the baggy sleeve on Bik's arm were a pattern of burns on her wrist, almost as if a grooved hot iron was stamped on the skin. She didn't look any closer or pull the sleeve to see it better, she just kept staring until the red swirling scars made some sense in the flashing lights of the drones.

It looked like a rabbit.

"Yamaguchi-san, get out of here," Tsunemori said calmly. As long as she pretended nothing was wrong, the girl shouldn't notice anything.

But then something sparked in Bik's eye, and it was then a moment too late Tsunemori realized Bik could understand Japanese after all.

Tsunemori reached for the Dominator the same time Bik reached inside her coat.

_"Get down, Yamaguchi-san!"_

* * *

**anemone  
**looks like you were right, they are shipping all this to Japan

**smoky  
**the MWPSB need to be informed

**anemone  
**the police? REALLY?

**smoky  
**there's people in the police I can trust

**anemone  
**pfff you mean the girl you made me make contact with ages ago? She's police?  
Man, I thought she was some crazy ex you were running the hell away from

**anemone  
**hey, why aren't you responding?

**anemone  
**dude, it was a joke

**anemone  
**heeey?!

**anemone  
**well fuck you too, Kougami

* * *

Kougami pocketed his battered phone and stared emptily towards the wide, rusty harbour. The phone kept buzzing, most likely angry texts from Lifen but he didn't feel like reply to her yet. He had to think for a moment.

There was a lot of reasons why he shouldn't go back to Japan. He was a wanted criminal, an escaped bloodhound, a murderer.

But, if the Rabbits really were spreading their madness at his home country, and he knew information which could help stop them, then he was obligated to return. Back to Japan, back to the CID, back to Unit 1.

Back to Tsunemori Akane.

"Looks like we won't be meeting the way you wanted to do," he muttered. "I guess I'm to blame for that."

* * *

**I really wanted to make my own Psycho Pass OC so here he is. A pretentious, cynical dickhead who looks a lot older than he really is, hates Inspectors and has an odd passion for languages. Probably so he could find other ways to say 'fuck you.' **I actually got his name from some Japanese murderer that has his own wiki page, slight variation on the first name though.****

****(Thumbnail picture is a rough sketch on how I imagined him ahaha he has marvellous dainty eyebrows)****

**This is mostly written from his viewpoint and how he feels about his fellow colleagues, so it's not actually my personal opinion Kunizuka has personality of plastic, just this dickhead. ****Well, hope you guys liked this one-shot! It was really an experiment at writing an OC story again. Also, I've wondered how outsiders would've interpreted Unit 1's events lol And I really wanted this out before PP season 2 happens.**

_**Pie**_


End file.
